If you're just a spectator to this journey, then you should know that emotions and hormones combine to make us irritable and sensitive - hence the need to VENT.
Vent #1 : The mystery bleeding is still going on. Has been since Thursday night (cd 21). I called Dr. M's office this morning to find out if this was something I should be worried about. When the nurse called back, she was FAR less than helpful. It could just be mid-cycle bleeding, she said. Or "just the way I ovulate". Umm, did you miss the fact that it's flipping DAY 25 now, and I should have ovulated already? Or, did you look in my file to see if the progesterone results were back from cd 21 to determine if I even did ovulate this month? Grr... She said that she sent a note (email, I guess?) to Dr. M to see what she wants to do about it. Haven't heard anything else today. Haven't heard about my progesterone results. Nothing. So frustrated. I've peed on 3 sticks since Thursday night - all BFNs. I know it's too early - but I can't help it! Soooo impatient right now. Specialist appointment on Wednesday - just want it to get here already, so she can order up a blood test to see what the heck is going on. Or an ultrasound. I'd definitely spread my legs for the transvag ultrasound if it would get me some answers.Vent #2 : Another pregnancy announcement on Facebook. Just a few minutes ago. Complete with ultrasound picture. The kicker? It's the friend who recommended Dr. M to me. This friend also has PCOS. She's more recently diagnosed than me, and is not nearly as overweight as me - she's practically one of the thin women with PCOS. I hate that this fertility process ends up feeling like a friggin' competition. It's not. I know it's not. But I (sometimes) can't help but feel like that about it. I think I'll be hiding her updates, at least for the next few days. Just hurts too much when I'm sitting here wondering if something very, very good is going on down in Utero-Land, or if it's just something that will send us back to the drawing board. So impatient. And now you can add hurting and longing to that. Grr :(
A note : I was given a very lovely blog award, and I said that I would respond to it today - but my head and heart just aren't into thinking of positive, humorous facts about myself right now. It's on my list of posts to write - perhaps tomorrow, if I wake up in a better mood.
I too had mystery bleeding this cycle. I'm CD25 today and not sure what's going on in there. =/
ReplyDeleteAnd often it does feel like a competition. Each and every journey is unique in it's own right. And don't feel bad for hiding her posts. I do it to all of my pregnant "friends" all the time!
Oh no, I hope you find the answers to the mystery bleeding soon. And I say hide that friend on FB for now. Save your sanity! Sending hugs and positive thoughts! XO
ReplyDeleteI just want to thank you for your blog! I went into the doctor on Monday because everyone was convinced I was pregnant... thinking I was finally going to get my BFP only to be told they're pretty sure I have PCOS and to be scheduled for an ultra sound to see how bad it is this coming Monday. I've spent most of the day crying my eyes out and feeling utterly alone because after almost two years of ttc I find this out and its made out to be a fertility death sentence. Thank you for your positive take on this positively horrible experience. I look forward to reading your blogs to get me through the beginning of what I anticipate another up hill climb of an already long battle lol. You're truly an inspiration and I'm sending you positive thoughts<3
ReplyDeleteI was recently diagnosed with PCOS and I wanted to say thank you so much for your blog! I know exactly what you mean about the constant FB posts. It feels like everyone I know is expecting. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you :)
ReplyDeleteRight there with you sister. On year 7 of trying to conceive. I know every emotion you are having. Don't know you personally but I love ya. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteI am officially ending my cycle 1 by starting Provera today... You can read more about me here: mothers-in-waiting.blogspot.com
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